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Army Wisdom
Posted by: Dirtyjokesinc Staff on January 5, 2004 @ 9:25 pm
A Purple Heart proves three things: you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
10 second fuses only last 7 seconds.
Anything you do can get you shot, even doing nothing.
Claymores are labeled "This side toward enemy" for a reason.
Don’t draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last and don’t ever, ever volunteer to do anything.
Don’t look conspicuous: it draws fire.
If it’s stupid but works, it really isn’t stupid.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
If the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is *not* our friend.
If you can’t remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
It is generally unadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can’t get out.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
Professionals are predictable, it’s the amateurs that are dangerous.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
The easy way is always mined.
The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
a. When you’re not ready for them.
b. When you’re ready for them.
Either time is inconvenient and generally a bummer.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
When in doubt empty the magazine. |
Add your own comment
| From: |
TEIGINEM on March 26, 2004 @ 1:39 pm |
| Comment: |
I was in the army and i was in the war in Iraq and this is all accurate. |
| From: |
Jake on March 28, 2004 @ 12:07 am |
| Comment: |
Thats pretty good. |
| From: |
Peter Pawan on March 28, 2004 @ 1:45 am |
| Comment: |
WhoaaHaaaaaHaa! That’s cool. Really cool. |
| From: |
adss on March 29, 2004 @ 8:35 am |
| Comment: |
realistic humour lovingly laughable |
| From: |
Me on March 29, 2004 @ 4:49 pm |
| Comment: |
Funny :P |
| From: |
cadet 1st sgt Heisto on April 3, 2004 @ 11:13 pm |
| Comment: |
Im in the J.R.O.T.C. and i highly recommend this joke to my colonel |
| From: |
co2van on May 19, 2004 @ 12:33 pm |
| Comment: |
All true.... And funny as hell when put together like this. |
| From: |
shahzad on May 24, 2004 @ 8:57 am |
| Comment: |
they sure do make lot of sense . They r true and very real. nice doing . well done |
| From: |
SFC Olsen on June 7, 2004 @ 11:15 am |
| Comment: |
This is not a joke. Its Murphy’s law. im surprised you never seen it before. Every soldier has. |
| From: |
spc rhodes on June 10, 2004 @ 3:53 pm |
| Comment: |
I agree whith sgt olsen about murphys law but like any soldier murphys law makes one hell of a joke I think |
| From: |
christian on June 29, 2004 @ 7:44 pm |
| Comment: |
all millitary personnel need to read that. |
| From: |
bob on June 30, 2004 @ 11:52 pm |
| Comment: |
that was ok i recommend it to millitary personnel
|
| From: |
bob on june 30,2004 on June 30, 2004 @ 11:53 pm |
| Comment: |
that was o.k. i recommend it to all military personnel |
| From: |
cadet paine nscc on July 6, 2004 @ 1:21 am |
| Comment: |
great jokes I recomend it to my CO it does come straight for murphys laws but still a great joke every military personal needs to read these |
| From: |
magee on August 3, 2004 @ 6:15 pm |
| Comment: |
being a soldier i can say that everything above is oh so true! |
| From: |
shadow on August 8, 2004 @ 10:18 pm |
| Comment: |
this should be in the rule book for war |
| From: |
I GOT A PURPLE HEART on August 16, 2004 @ 6:08 pm |
| Comment: |
YOU ARE RIGHT
USMC. |
| From: |
Army Wife on August 19, 2004 @ 4:44 am |
| Comment: |
My husband is over in Iraq right now I sent this to him and he loved it!! It made all the guys smile.! |
| From: |
magazine on August 23, 2004 @ 7:46 am |
| Comment: |
empty the magazine hahaha. whoever didn’t think that was funny is an uptight prick and should immediately stop worshipping our old friend Al Gore and try to find a sense of humor. this site has some great jokes |
| From: |
Xyclops on August 26, 2004 @ 7:31 am |
| Comment: |
lol Murphy is a legend |
| From: |
bookfreak on August 27, 2004 @ 4:48 pm |
| Comment: |
I’d recomend it to any one, not just the military. |
| From: |
2 time combat 11C... on September 15, 2004 @ 8:24 pm |
| Comment: |
true,true. |
| From: |
CanadianArmy on September 22, 2004 @ 11:56 pm |
| Comment: |
Awesome , brings back memories |
| From: |
Purdeep Singjar on September 25, 2004 @ 8:45 pm |
| Comment: |
Stupid like American. |
| From: |
robert on October 20, 2004 @ 7:33 am |
| Comment: |
This is all true. All these things could be avoided if you read the instructions. It breaks it down (Barney style) so there is not excuse. This is all true and very funny. |
| From: |
1st ID tanker on November 4, 2004 @ 8:21 pm |
| Comment: |
should be in the basic traning manual,along with our favorite shorts-snafu,boheka,and dilligaf |
| From: |
1st ID tanker on November 4, 2004 @ 8:22 pm |
| Comment: |
should be in the basic traning manual,along with our favorite shorts-snafu,boheka,and dilligaf |
| From: |
amber on December 4, 2004 @ 12:42 am |
| Comment: |
classic |
| From: |
marine dude on December 23, 2004 @ 12:31 am |
| Comment: |
you stoll those jokes
|
| From: |
HMFIC on January 29, 2005 @ 10:05 pm |
| Comment: |
ALL TRUE! COOLAS HELL |
| From: |
Rhodes on March 7, 2005 @ 2:52 am |
| Comment: |
"From: christian on June 29, 2004 @ 7:44 pm
Comment: all millitary personnel need to read that. "
No, just American soldiers :P |
| From: |
jarod on June 27, 2005 @ 6:19 pm |
| Comment: |
this is good. It is better than the advise usually dealt out to officers upon commnecement of their carreers, like don’t play poker with a man whose named after a town. How is that supposed to help leaders actually lead people?
good stuff and humorous |
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