Prankers Paradise
Jokes
Submit
Moderator
Links
Contact
Drug Rehab
Halloween
|
| |
You might be canadian if....
Posted by: Princess on June 29, 2004 @ 0:37 am
You might be canadian if.....
-You can repeat the entire Molson’s Canadian ’The Rant’.
-You know all the words to "If I had a million dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
-You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly"
-You know that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) don’t always look like that
-You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip
-You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy. -You think Lloyd Robertson is sexy. -You think Peter Kent is sexy.
-You think Matt Damon is so-so -You can do the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram’s "Skin-a-marinki-dinki-do".
-You know why "killerwhaletank" is funny
-You had a crush on Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Junior High.
-You know that a "Premier" isn’t a baby born a few months early
-You think -10 C is mild weather
-You substitute beer for water when cooking.
-You carry empty beer cans from your camping trips home with you in your backpack so you can recycle them when you reach civilization.
-You know that the ’Extra Creamy’ in Kraft Extra Creamy Dinner is ’add more milk.’
-You know what "Canuba" is. You think it’s pretty damn funny
-You die a little inside if you can’t get your Tim’s double-double every morning.
-You know the difference between real snow and "television" snow -- the white stuff that passes for snow on tv and in films. You scream, "For Christsake! That should be sticking to their pants!" and "Lookit, it’s not melting! That’s *so* not snow!" when watching ’Winter’ scenes
-You’ve actually said, "Stay where yer at, ’till I gets where yer to"
-Can Complete the phrase: "The good old ____ game is the best ____ you can ____."
-You find it difficult to explain "milk in a bag" to non-Canadians, and even more difficult to describe the "snippy-thing" used on bag corners. (Bonus points if your collected snippy-things are stuck to your fridge.)
-You’re pretty sure you can see Alex Trebek smirking when Jeopardy contestants get the "Canada questions" wrong. Even if you weren’t sure of the answer yourself, you consider yourself a hundred times smarter than the idiots who always guess, "What is .. uh, Toronto?"
-Your Saturday nights in the Atlantic provinces include eating beans and brown bread as you watch Hockey Night in Canada
-Your local zoo is mainly flamingoes, giraffes and sad elephants freezing their asses off against a backdrop of pine trees, grey skies, and precambrian shield formations
-You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway
-You drive on a highway, not a freeway -You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers
-You cried when you heard that "Mr Dress Up" died recently.
-You get excited whenever an American television show mentions -You live in a house with no front step, but the door is one meter up from the ground
-You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."
-"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than, "Huh?"
-You’ve ever had your tongue frozen to something.
-You know that in Canada the mosquitoes have landing lights
-You have more miles on your snow blower than your car
-You know that Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores before Christmas.
-You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
-Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow
-You can play road hockey on skates
-You have memorized the Heritage Foundation’s Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "Burnt Toast!", "You know I canna read a word...",
-You are moved to tears by those Bell Canada phone commercials they show around Remembrance Day, where the grandson calls his granddad from Dieppe. You understand the manipulative nature of the advertisement, but continue to be moved, nonetheless
-You spit angrily when Americans say "ruff" instead of the correct "roof".
YOU MIGHT BE A LIL TOO CANADIAN IF.....
-You read rather than scanned this list |
Add your own comment
| From: |
StRiCkLaNd on July 1, 2004 @ 3:04 pm |
| Comment: |
Amazing!!! This is so true its kind of sad lol |
| From: |
American dood on July 15, 2004 @ 3:31 pm |
| Comment: |
You know your Canadian if your sniffing our American asses. Get your own entertainment, get your own sports teams (that win), as a matter of fact; get your own economy and stop sucking the tit of ours. |
| From: |
Bavarian Weener on July 19, 2004 @ 5:41 pm |
| Comment: |
At least canadians aren’t dumb enough to vote a coke sniffing chimpanzee into office |
| From: |
thatguy on July 20, 2004 @ 1:00 am |
| Comment: |
"American" and "Bavarian" can both suck my big, patriotic, canadian, right-wing(for those of you who happen to be stupid, this means I dont hate bush), dick. |
| From: |
Proud Canadian on July 20, 2004 @ 3:52 pm |
| Comment: |
I agree with American dood. Us Canadians should get our own entertainment. Look at american entertainment:
They have great artists such as Alanis, Avril, Celine....oh wait...they’re Canadian.
Well, they have great bands such as Barenaked Ladies, The Hip, Billy Talent...oh wait...they’re Canadian too.
Well, they at least invented such entertaining sports as basketball and hockey...no...also Canadian.
Well I am not surprised that an american would be complaning about another country. Their own leader is always complaining about something. "Those damn Afghans knocked down our towers.....no, it was those damn Iraqis....no, wait, it was those damn Iranians". So who is next for Bush to blame??
|
| From: |
godblessU.S. on July 22, 2004 @ 10:45 pm |
| Comment: |
i agree with thatguy, and u r probably only a proud canadian because you know that u would be a sucky american. |
| From: |
stuff on July 23, 2004 @ 1:16 am |
| Comment: |
The patriotism you all show for your respective countries gives me a hard-on. Keep it up. |
| From: |
rebelyell on July 23, 2004 @ 4:56 am |
| Comment: |
where’s my gun at? i’m a proud american and i think this discussion has got way too much talking and not enough killing. don’t you know that the best way to solve problems is with guns? shoot first, think second (if it all). that’s how we like to do it. |
| From: |
a real american on July 24, 2004 @ 8:40 pm |
| Comment: |
Question one: Didn’t Gore win the popular vote, you dumbass bavarian weener?(note, we do have a dumbass voting system, but can you blame us, we stole our constitution from canada)
Question two: Celine Dion, are you kidding me?
question three: Who the fuck are the bands you just named?
Question four: When was the last time a Canadian team were the champs at "their" sports?
Statement one: We dont blame anybody but the saudi’s for the attacks. (that is after all was osama is)
Statement two: Hell yes rebelyell !!! |
| From: |
rebelyell on July 27, 2004 @ 12:18 am |
| Comment: |
ok, i’ll come clean. i’m canadian. i misrepresented myself before to make a point. obviously my exaggeration was lost on some, or at least one. it was all tongue in cheek. i hate guns. and i hate that people have them there to "solve" (read: create) problems instead of using other means. there are some admirable, even great things about america. but not the individualism at the expense of everyone but YOURSELF. the selfish taking of life. the selfish taking of profit. and no one is willing to admit it, much less share what you have... lessons we are ALL going to have to learn... peace |
| From: |
A Real American on July 31, 2004 @ 9:07 pm |
| Comment: |
Just cause I American, fuck my daughters at night, want to kill everyone on earth, think McDonalds is fine eating, voted for a total fucking useless piece of shit for a human being to lead us...don’t mean I ain’t uh? Yea, us Americans are fucking tools! |
| From: |
The Mexican on August 13, 2004 @ 4:29 am |
| Comment: |
ayie canadians and americans are the same why are u arguing, the only difference is that candians say ’eh’ and american women are chubbier |
| From: |
jon on August 16, 2004 @ 12:53 pm |
| Comment: |
Canada is just a thinner,colder,politer,more accepted,and safer version of America.Give me 1 reason that those Canadians are so bad(and i dont mean some stupid steryotype like Canadians being beer drinking bastards.) |
| From: |
Mark_hockey_player_g on August 16, 2004 @ 9:27 pm |
| Comment: |
Canadians and Americans are both proud countries with proud people. The difference? Canadians are proud that they’re not American! Oh ya ..re: the question when were canadians champs at "their sports" that would be the Olympics where both the men AND women won in hockey...the women could have beat the men’s team for that matter. |
| From: |
Bopper09 on August 17, 2004 @ 4:31 am |
| Comment: |
Arguing on the internet is like running in the special olympics, even if you win, you’re still retarded. |
| From: |
nobodyfresh on August 19, 2004 @ 5:37 am |
| Comment: |
TOO FUCKIN FUNNY!!! I love my trips to the great north, and I love my home in the states..but... I agree with bopper on this one... |
| From: |
me44498 on August 20, 2004 @ 12:38 am |
| Comment: |
those are so not true. i mean kids can drink at any age but not in public. i don’t eat kraft dinner all the time. So this is to you dumb ass Americans. Canadians are just like Americans, without the gun. |
| From: |
American and Proud on August 21, 2004 @ 12:01 am |
| Comment: |
Hey guys, now I am a proud American. Now I concede that most of us have our eyes a little crossed. Perhaps we were fucked in the ass
by our pappas one too many times. Maybe the leader of our country is a fucking redneck handicap. But come on, we can’t help that we
are the bottom of the human gene pool. We think we are tough because we have lots of guns and shoot poor people that haven’t eaten
in weeks, of course we get a self confidence from this. Our media lies to us and makes us scared of our own shadow.
And god knows we are materialistic and fat as hell. I mean, our chicks are FAT! That should make you feel sorry for us.
I mean, why does everyone else on earth think Americans are nothing but slimy pieces of rat shit?!!! |
| From: |
Sweet Canadian Babe on August 22, 2004 @ 2:51 am |
| Comment: |
Heum...I’ve been reading all of your comments and I’m very ashamed of you all...I think Canada and American are like twin brother and sister. American is the evil twin. (no offense, but Americans do war and that’s is so not even cool) When Canada burnt down US’s capital in the war of 1812...it’s like that Simpsons episode when Bart threw Lisa’s centerpiece in the fireplace...They made up later...so let’s stop getting vicous over stupid things! Ok, so we say that Canada’s beer is stronger than America’s watered down beer...we’re jus teasing!!! (but it is true...sorry) So guys, calm down! Americans jus need to stop being so serious about stuff and be more laid back like Canada... ;)
~CHEERS AND BEERS~ *yep, it’s Molson, don’t worry...* |
| From: |
the weird canadian on August 27, 2004 @ 1:57 pm |
| Comment: |
Almost all Americans don’t relize this but almost every hockey team is loaded with Canadians! The Tamps Bay Lightings only have 3 Americans on their team! It’s all Canada we are the only ones who can play hockey and we rule all hockey teams! |
| From: |
American on August 27, 2004 @ 4:48 pm |
| Comment: |
You might be an American if...
-You sleep with a gun under your pillow (cause that makes the world safer!?)
-You have ever had sexual relations with your cousin.
-You can’t imagine why people from other countries hate you, even though you have double standards for every law known to mankind.
-You think that you live in a democratic country, even though a retarded monkey is your leader.
-You believe other nations are better off because they have been "liberated" from the people that torture them (Americans don’t do that!!!).
-And you might be American if you are having a hard time reading this. |
| From: |
CANADIAN AT HEART on August 28, 2004 @ 12:39 am |
| Comment: |
Lol American! Those are funny! I live in America...I think those are pretty funny. By the way...I’M OUT OF THIS DAMNED COUNTRY AS SOON AS I TURN 18!!! *razz* |
| From: |
AnotherCanadian on August 29, 2004 @ 2:01 am |
| Comment: |
Bopper09 you are EXACTLY right! |
| From: |
MOSES the CANADIAN on August 29, 2004 @ 5:34 am |
| Comment: |
Man so true......dont forget marijuana we love the ganja......i sleep with a gun under my bed ......but hey im still canadian and some of you guys need to be a lot less defensive...these are jokes not american/canadian propaganda..though i have to say im glad im not american |
| From: |
Lauren on September 1, 2004 @ 10:57 pm |
| Comment: |
These are SO true!
I laughed my ass off, cuz almost all of those things apply to me eh! :)
I’m so proud to be canadian!!!!!!!!!!!
ps---I bitch slap anyone who says ruff instead of roof lmao! |
| From: |
Princess on September 6, 2004 @ 1:20 am |
| Comment: |
Half of Canada’s population isnt obese or living in a trailor park. |
| From: |
Real American on September 13, 2004 @ 1:44 am |
| Comment: |
Look, can we al just settle this over a round of beers? Canada has its flaws (any canadian taking the joke seriously), and so does the US (any American dissing canada in this thread). And to princess, the one who posted September 6, 2004 @ 1:20 am, you are right about half of canaduh’s population not being obese or living in a trailor park, two thirds is... NOW GO TO FUCKING SLEEP! |
| From: |
the weird canadian on September 14, 2004 @ 9:22 pm |
| Comment: |
Fuck you! Canadas population is not fucking obese people and tralor trash! Thats you fat ass Mc Donalds lovers! And fuck that fucking retarded who thinks he can fucking blame 9-11 on Canada! FUCK YOU! We stood by you on 9-11 and we don’t need youfuckers blaming this shit on us. If we got bombed we wouldn’t do this, even no if we did ever get bombed it WOULD be your fucking fault! |
| From: |
Proud Yank on September 24, 2004 @ 8:14 pm |
| Comment: |
I’m gonna plot the invasion of Canada right after we get our asses handed back to us from those half straved Iraqis we thought we could conquer. In the mean time I’m gonna vote good ol GWB into office cause he will steal the election again anyways. Maybe I won’t bother voting, I’ll say at home and fuck my sister instead...Good ol America! |
| From: |
Pindunder Geepe on September 25, 2004 @ 8:49 pm |
| Comment: |
America peoples are stupid. I went to america on trip and thought "not land of promise, land of retard". I go back to India were people smart than americans |
| From: |
Green Bastard on September 25, 2004 @ 8:53 pm |
| Comment: |
I recently read a report from the World Health Organization that (not surprisingly) wasn’t published in main stream papers, that indicated the average IQ of Americans is 14 to 20% below the IQ of people from most other countries...NO JOKE!
I imagine it wasn’t reported in papers because it would have caused outrage amoung said Americans..............................Just a little food for thought.
PS. It explains some of the views shown here on this web page!!! |
| From: |
Ontarian on October 5, 2004 @ 7:47 pm |
| Comment: |
I am a proud canadian and i do own guns, many of them, so, any of you americans that think us canadians don’t own guns, think again. I love shooting them, they are NOT dangerous, a gun is only as dangerous as the person using it. If you want to stop the suffering and deaths of innocent people on this earth, you better get rid of 2 things, governments and religion, more people have died and suffered at the hands of these 2 things than anything else put together. I have used and will use again, my guns for personal protection, your right to self-preservation is not a "granted" right, it is an ABSOLUTE right every human being on this earth has. I have no problem with americans, sure there are many bull-headed americans, but, us canadians have lots of bull-headed people here too. We are no better than americans and americans are no better than us or anybody else. The problem lies with government, not the people. And when people realise that, things MIGHT change. |
| From: |
human being on November 10, 2004 @ 2:05 am |
| Comment: |
Hey, there! Can’t we all just get along? People are people. Your nationality - be it Canadian, American, or whatever - does not make you any better and any worse than anyone else. So can we all just stop this whole ’Canada vs the US’ nonsense? Both countries have their pros and cons - with nice people and not-so-nice people, okay? |
| From: |
iamcanadian on November 15, 2004 @ 1:49 am |
| Comment: |
all i can say is that documentery maker micheal moore is awesome, watch bowling for columbine, true americans, eh? but ive traveled alot through the western states and not all americans are assholes. |
| From: |
-Jenn- on November 15, 2004 @ 4:24 pm |
| Comment: |
Dudes...seriously, what is this? Canada is a cool palce, I live here, America, I’m sure is cool (never been there). Why is everyone fighting? I bet half you people don’t even know who you are fighitng with...that’s kinda sad...arguing with dudes u dont even know!? And i agree with the dude above, Bowling for Columbine was really well done. We Canadians like our beer, you American’s like your guns...Now, let’s stop this foolishness and shut the fuck up. They’re jokes...stop being so deffensive...PLEASE. K, peace dudes |
| From: |
US Sucks on November 24, 2004 @ 12:51 am |
| Comment: |
As the name says!! |
| From: |
JO Canadian on December 3, 2004 @ 6:40 pm |
| Comment: |
I LOVE IT!!! The comments are more amusing than the jokes. Thanks for the reading material people. :-D |
| From: |
JO Canadian on January 12, 2005 @ 8:08 am |
| Comment: |
Man, you ARE on a mission aren’t you?
When you’re ready to use a better non mono syllabic insult I’ll be waiting to hear it....YOU can think up something better I hope? |
| From: |
Wow on January 14, 2005 @ 8:22 pm |
| Comment: |
From: American dood on July 15, 2004 @ 3:31 pm
Comment: You know your Canadian if your sniffing our American asses. Get your own entertainment, get your own sports teams (that win), as a matter of fact; get your own economy and stop sucking the tit of ours.
Your telling us to get our own sports teams that win, when last NHL Season, Tampa Bay won, but did you know that 90% of the team is Canadian, and the other 10 % of the players were russians?!??! |
| From: |
JO Canadian on January 16, 2005 @ 3:44 pm |
| Comment: |
American Dood should really read the sorry canadian jokes. It would explain the entertainment and some trade issues. Tits my ass, your trade ethics don’t give us much choice...again read the when god made canada joke.
Go do something useful for your country instead of the preverbeal chest thumping. |
| From: |
CanadaRules on January 21, 2005 @ 9:35 am |
| Comment: |
JO,maybe we should hold peace talks with our bretheren to the South...in Canada,over a pint and agree that we won and can get OUR 13 colonies back,after all...they are only on the loan to the Yanks...Just a suggestion *lol*God,how I hate those ignorant and arrogant Americans |
| From: |
JO Canadian on January 21, 2005 @ 3:31 pm |
| Comment: |
Say aren’t most of those 13 states blue ones anyways?? Those that are, are at least closer to us than the rest of the yokels. I’m for thinkng that we’ll also need an ample supply of weed to reduce tentions besides the pint. |
| From: |
MADEINCANADA on January 25, 2005 @ 11:02 am |
| Comment: |
Americans are idiots. i mean come on, i was there and i met a person, and he didn’t even know where the hell canada was!!!! I mean how stupid can you get.
And about Hockey! Oh come on, i mean who won the junior world championships this year, i believe it was the canadians, and in the last olympics who won? I believe it was the Canadian’s women and mens team that kicked Americans asses.
And as for your Entertainment, have you looked at your singers. i mean you have Ashlee Simpson, what a joke, and then theres Britney Spears, um excuse me while i go puke, then there is justin timberlake, i mean god why doesn’t he just give up already? He sucks.
Oh and your government, well lets not even go there. It would be way to mean. |
| From: |
JO Canadian on January 28, 2005 @ 11:35 am |
| Comment: |
UGH, you should see Celine’s husband too. |
| From: |
CanadaRules on January 31, 2005 @ 6:10 am |
| Comment: |
Dezz,your mother is a hamster and your father smelled like elderberries..now go away or I will taunt you a second time lol |
| From: |
CanadaRules on January 31, 2005 @ 6:12 am |
| Comment: |
Jo,is it such a smart idea to introduce weed into a volotile situation,mean what if they get roudy and we have to use the Canadian secret weapon to calm them down*lol* |
| From: |
CanadaRules on January 31, 2005 @ 9:28 am |
| Comment: |
Dezz,your mother is a hamster and your father is a elderberrie lol stop before I taunt you again |
| From: |
CanadaRules on January 31, 2005 @ 9:29 am |
| Comment: |
Dezz,you must be blind not to know I’m a dude lol only using my wifes e-mail |
| From: |
JO Canadian on January 31, 2005 @ 9:31 am |
| Comment: |
Yeah, weed would help wouldn’t it?
Alcohol seems to make people impatient and loud.
Weed will make them sit and think (if they listen it’s a bonus too)
I’ve been to quite a few native partys too, and man I can tell you, in most cases I’d Hide the Booze if i could and bring out a baggie instead. |
| From: |
CanadaRules on February 2, 2005 @ 7:11 am |
| Comment: |
Dezz,I’m not Dennis you retarded moron...but then again you thinking I am Dennis explains how you guys think Iraq is as same as Al-Quida..or whatever the fuck you americans named it...and I have only one personality and I denounce your support..what do you want me to get arrested*lol* |
| From: |
Shaman v:6.1 on February 2, 2005 @ 1:19 pm |
| Comment: |
WOLF, meeting with a Lamb astray from the fold, resolved not to lay violent hands on him, but to find some plea to justify to the Lamb the Wolf’s right to eat him. He thus addressed him: "Sirrah, last year you grossly insulted me." "Indeed," bleated the Lamb in a mournful tone of voice, "I was not then born." Then said the Wolf, "You feed in my pasture." "No, good sir," replied the Lamb, "I have not yet tasted grass." Again said the Wolf, "You drink of my well." "No," exclaimed the Lamb, "I never yet drank water, for as yet my mother’s milk is both food and drink to me." Upon which the Wolf seized him and ate him up, saying, "Well! I won’t remain supperless, even though you refute every one of my imputations." THE TYRANT WILL ALWAYS FIND A PRETEXT FOR HIS TYRANNY. |
| From: |
JO Canadian on February 2, 2005 @ 1:20 pm |
| Comment: |
Cool, that almost sounds like the WMD scenerio. |
| From: |
CanadaRules on February 4, 2005 @ 12:46 pm |
| Comment: |
Hey,lets ummm invade the States...they have WMDs
|
| From: |
Yes on February 9, 2005 @ 1:18 am |
| Comment: |
Somehow, I believe that you WOULD. |
| From: |
CNN on February 9, 2005 @ 9:42 am |
| Comment: |
Speaking of CNN I have to give it some credit.. ’Bout 3 years ago it was no better than fox, It made anything to do with the war look like a video game and overhyped it’s top stories. Now It’s toned itself down, and actually gives good and bad news...even it is critical about the gov’t if it has reason to. They’re starting to show some balls...YEAH!!! |
| From: |
DENNIS on February 21, 2005 @ 2:43 pm |
| Comment: |
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO "TOSS A SALAD"?
I AM THE ULTIMATE CANADIAN SUPPORT JEW!
AMERICA SUX |
| From: |
<> on April 1, 2005 @ 11:21 pm |
| Comment: |
Who asked Canada? Eh? |
| From: |
harlenton& on August 24, 2005 @ 4:27 pm |
| Comment: |
Canada, tremendous country and good neighbor to the north... |
|
|
