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best blond jokes eva
Posted by: Tim on September 5, 2004 @ 4:02 am
1.) A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at a dictionary for the hardest words they knew. The brunette’s word was quizzical. The redhead’s word was photosynthesis. The blonde’s word was dick.
2.)A blonde is like a pooltable, put a dollar in and she’ll rack your balls.
3.)Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn’t want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, ’’I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!’’
4.)Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead, and one’s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"
And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"
5.)A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
6.)How do you know a blonde’s having a bad day?
Her tampon’s behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.
7.)A cop pulled over a car for swerving all over the road. The blonde at the wheel looked very confused and scared.
"What’s going on here, ma’am?"
"Well, I was driving along when all of a sudden there was a tree right in my path. I swerved to miss it, but there was another tree. And after that, another, and another." The cop looked inside her car and sighed.
"Ma’am. That’s your air freshener."
8.)A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I’m a blonde?"
"Because that’s a microwave," he replied.
10.)Every day two blonde women would come out of work together and look for their car. But all the cars in the lot looked the same, so they sat around until all the cars were gone and then they would get in the last car and go home. One blonde said to the other, ’’We need to find a faster way to get home.’’ So the next day they went to work on a camel. After work they came out and the parking lot was full of camels. So the first blonde went around lifting up the tails of all the camels. The second blonde said, ’’What are you doing?’’ The first blonde said, ’’When we came in today I heard someone yell "’Look at those two assholes on that camel!!’" |
Add your own comment
| From: |
TYRESE on October 9, 2004 @ 10:40 pm |
| Comment: |
FRANCE, CANADA, ENGLAND, AND INDIA ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL THE WORLD’S PROBLEMS SUCH AS: AIDS EPIDEMIC, WORLD WAR II, TERRORISM, NUCLEAR WARS, TOXIC WASTE, HATE CRIMES, GLOBAL WARMING, JEWS, WORLD POVERTY AND HUNGER, AND COMMUNISM. MY FARTS HAVE BETTER HELPED THE WORLD AT LARGE.
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| From: |
edward blue dick on October 10, 2004 @ 2:34 pm |
| Comment: |
tyres correct france sucks
an’ canada sucks
an’ enad sucks
an’ india sucs |
| From: |
meee on October 13, 2004 @ 4:33 am |
| Comment: |
i agree edward |
| From: |
MR. BIG on November 16, 2004 @ 2:34 am |
| Comment: |
A COUPLE OF THESE ARE ACTUALLY THE 2nd BEST BLONDE JOKES EVA. |
| From: |
waz on November 23, 2004 @ 8:39 am |
| Comment: |
2 mr big ur mum is getting fucked by me 2night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 |
| From: |
studder on December 14, 2004 @ 4:34 pm |
| Comment: |
canada is fucking cool cause avril lavigne lives there,
canada is fucking cool cause avril lavigne lives there, |
| From: |
studder on December 14, 2004 @ 4:34 pm |
| Comment: |
canada is fucking cool cause avril lavigne lives there,
canada is fucking cool cause avril lavigne lives there, |
| From: |
Ironic on January 31, 2005 @ 9:57 pm |
| Comment: |
I just about pissed myself laughing at the first person’s comments! She said other people caused all the worlds "problems" and then listed "HATE CRIMES" and "JEWS" as two problems! A little confused about our value system, aren’t we? LOL! Is it possible to be a "compassionate racist"!? You put the MORON in oxymoron, hunny! |
| From: |
franco on March 18, 2005 @ 5:34 pm |
| Comment: |
fuck you all of you |
| From: |
CaNaDiAn on April 30, 2005 @ 11:09 pm |
| Comment: |
you fuckin americans you think your so great, you bastards better shut the hell up about canada or ill come down there and kick every one of your goddamn redneck asses! AVRIL KICKS ASS!!!!!!!! |
| From: |
avril on June 26, 2005 @ 3:13 pm |
| Comment: |
wow its me and i am just shocked that peoplke write mean things about me oh wel it doesnt patter to me becuase i dont care what other people think about me u got that canada rocks and ameerica rocks cant we just get along |
| From: |
avril on June 26, 2005 @ 3:14 pm |
| Comment: |
wow its me and i am just shocked that people write mean things about me oh wel it doesnt matter to me becuase i dont care what other people think about me u got that canada rocks and ameerica rocks cant we just get along |
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