Prankers Paradise
Jokes
Submit
Moderator
Links
Contact
Drug Rehab
Halloween
|
| |
brave frenchman
Posted by: general bob on May 2, 2005 @ 8:50 pm
whats the difference between a brave frenchman and big foot
bog foot’s been spotted |
Add your own comment
| From: |
Vive la France on May 5, 2005 @ 7:42 am |
| Comment: |
I think French bashers’ brains have been spotted, but in another use of the word.
Check out my post in joke #10 (defense of paris) to see why. It’s the long one at the end. Take a history lesson and see for yourself if a brave Frenchman has been spotted. |
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:13 pm |
| Comment: |
The new big thing on the web is all these sites with names like "I Hate France," with supposed datelines of French military history, supposedly proving how the French are total cowards. If you want to see a sample of this dumbass Frog bashing, try this:
Well, I’m going to tell you guys something you probably don’t want to hear: these sites are total bullshit, the notion that the French are cowards is total bullshit, and anybody who knows anything about European military history knows damn well that over the past thousand years, the French have the most glorious military history in Europe, maybe the world.
|
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:14 pm |
| Comment: |
Before you send me more of those death threats, let me finish. I hate Chirac too, and his disco foreign minister with the blow-dry ’do and the snotty smile. But there are two things I hate more than I hate the French: ignorant fake war buffs, and people who are ungrateful. And when an American mouths off about French military history, he’s not just being ignorant, he’s being ungrateful. I was raised to think ungrateful people were trash.
When I say ungrateful, I’m talking about the American Revolution. If you’re a true American patriot, then this is the war that matters. Hell, most of you probably couldn’t name three major battles from it, but try going back to when you read Johnny Tremaine in fourth grade and you might recall a little place called Yorktown, Virginia, where we bottled up Cornwallis’s army, forced the Brits’ surrender and pretty much won the war.
|
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:14 pm |
| Comment: |
Well, news flash: "we" didn’t win that battle, any more than the Northern Alliance conquered the Taliban. The French army and navy won Yorktown for us. Americans didn’t have the materiel or the training to mount a combined operation like that, with naval blockade and land siege. It was the French artillery forces and military engineers who ran the siege, and at sea it was a French admiral, de Grasse, who kicked the shit out of the British navy when they tried to break the siege.
Long before that, in fact as soon as we showed the Brits at Saratoga that we could win once in a while, they started pouring in huge shipments of everything from cannon to uniforms. We’d never have got near Yorktown if it wasn’t for massive French aid.
So how come you bastards don’t mention Yorktown in your cheap webpages? I’ll tell you why: because you’re too ignorant to know about it and too dishonest to mention it if you did.
|
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:15 pm |
| Comment: |
The thing that gets to me is why Americans hate the French so much when they only did us good and never did us any harm. Like, why not hate the Brits? They’re the ones who killed thousands of Americans in the Revolution, and thirty years later they came back and attacked us again. That time around they managed to burn Washington DC to the ground while they were at it. How come you web jerks never mention that?
Sure, the easy answer is because the Brits are with us now, and the French aren’t. But being a war buff means knowing your history and respecting it.
Well, so much for ungrateful. Now let’s talk about ignorant. And that’s what you are if you think the French can’t fight: just plain ignorant. Appreciation of the French martial spirit is just about the most basic way you can distinguish real war nerds from fake little teachers’pets
|
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:16 pm |
| Comment: |
WW I was the worst war in history to be a soldier in. WW II was worse if you were a civilian, but the trenches of WW I were five years of Hell like General Sherman never dreamed of. At the end of it a big chunk of northern France looked like the surface of the moon, only bloodier, nothing but craters and rats and entrails.
Verdun. Just that name was enough to make Frenchmen and Germans, the few who survived it, wake up yelling for years afterward. The French lost 1.5 million men out of a total population of 40 million fighting the Germans from 1914-1918. A lot of those guys died charging German machine-gun nests with bayonets. I’d really like to see one of you office smartasses joke about "surrender monkeys" with a French soldier, 1914 vintage. You’d piss your dockers.
|
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:16 pm |
| Comment: |
.
Shit, we strut around like we’re so tough and we can’t even handle a few uppity Iraqi villages. These guys faced the Germans head on for five years, and we call them cowards? And at the end, it was the Germans, not the French, who said "calf rope."
When the sequel war came, the French relied on their frontier fortifications and used their tanks (which were better than the Germans’, one on one) defensively. The Germans had a newer, better offensive strategy. So they won. And the French surrendered. Which was damn sensible of them.
|
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:16 pm |
| Comment: |
This was the WEHRMACHT. In two years, they conquered all of Western Europe and lost only 30,000 troops in the process. That’s less than the casualties of Gettysburg. You get the picture? Nobody, no army on earth, could’ve held off the Germans under the conditions that the French faced them. The French lost because they had a long land border with Germany. The English survived because they had the English Channel between them and the Wehrmacht. When the English Army faced the Wermacht at Dunkirk, well, thanks to spin the tuck-tail-and-flee result got turned into some heroic tale of a brilliant British retreat. The fact is, even the Brits behaved like cowards in the face of the Wermacht, abandoning the French. It’s that simple.
Here’s a quick sampler of some of my favorite French victories, like an antidote to those ignorant websites. We’ll start way back and move up to the 20th century.
|
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:17 pm |
| Comment: |
Tours, 732 AD: The Muslims had already taken Spain and were well on their way to taking the rest of Europe. The only power with a chance of stopping them was the French army under Charles "the Hammer" Martel, King of the Franks (French), who answered to the really cool nickname "the Hammer of God." It was the French who saved the continent’s ass. All the smart money was on the Muslims: there were 60,000 of them, crazy Jihadis whose cavalry was faster and deadlier than any in Europe. The French army was heavily outnumbered and had no cavalry. Fighting in phalanxes, they held against dozens of cavalry charges and after at least two days of hand-to-hand combat, finally managed to hack their way to the Muslim center and kill their commander. The Muslims retreated to Spain, and Europe developed as an independent civilization. |
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:18 pm |
| Comment: |
Orleans, May 1429: Joan of Arc: is she the most insanely cool military commander in history or what? This French peasant girl gets instructions from her favorite saints to help out the French against the English invaders. She goes to the King (well, the Dauphin, but close enough) and tells him to give her the army and she’ll take it from there. And somehow she convinces him. She takes the army, which has lost every battle it’s been in lately, to Orleans, which is under English siege. Now Joan is a nice girl, so she tries to settle things peaceably. She explains in a letter to the enemy commanders that everything can still be cool, "...provided you give up France...and go back to your own countries, for God’s sake. And if you do not, wait for the Maid, who will visit you briefly to your great sorrow." |
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:18 pm |
| Comment: |
The next day she put on armor, mounted a charger, and prepared to lead the attack on the besiegers’ fortifications. She ordered the gates opened, but the Mayor refused until Joan explained that she, personally, would cut off his head. The gates went up, the French sallied out, and Joan led the first successful attack they’d made in years. The English strongpoints were taken, the siege was broken, and Joan’s career in the cow-milking trade was over. |
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:19 pm |
| Comment: |
Braddock’s Defeat (aka Battle of Monongahela) July 1755: Next time you’re driving through the Ohio Valley, remember you’re passing near the site of a great French victory over an Anglo-American force twice its size. General Edward Braddock marched west from Virginia with 1,500 men -- a very large army in 18th-c. America. His orders were to seize French land and forts in the Valley -- your basic undeclared land-grab invasion. The French joined the local tribes to resist, and then set up a classic ambush. It was a slaughter. More than half of Braddock’s force -- 880 men -- were killed or wounded. The only Anglo officer to escape unhurt was this guy called George Washington, and even he had two horses shot out from under him. After a few minutes of non-stop fire from French and Indians hidden in the woods, Braddock’s command came apart like something out of Nam, post-Tet. Braddock was hit and wounded, but none of his troops would risk getting shot to rescue him. |
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:19 pm |
| Comment: |
Austerlitz, Dec. 1805: You always hear about Austerlitz as "Napoleon’s Greatest Victory," like the little guy personally went out and wiped out the combined Russian and Austrian armies. The fact is, ever since the Revolution in 1789, French armies had been kicking ass against everybody. They were free citizens fighting against scared peasant and degenerate mercenaries, and it was no contest. At Austerlitz, 65,000 French troops took on 90,000 Russians and Austrians and destroyed them. Absolutely annihilated them. The French lost only 8,000, compared to 29,000 of the enemy. The tactics Bonaparte used were very risky, and would only have worked with superb troops: he encouraged the enemy to attack a weak line, then brought up reinforcements who’d been held out of sight. That kind of tactical plan takes iron discipline and perfect timing -- and the French had it. |
| From: |
merde on May 9, 2005 @ 7:19 pm |
| Comment: |
Jena, Oct. 1806: just a quick reminder for anybody who thinks the Germans always beat the French. Napoleon takes on the Prussian army and destroys it. 27,000 Prussian casualties vs. 5,000 French. Prussian army routed, pursued for miles by French cavalry.
You eXile guys might want to remember that the French under Napoleon are still the only army ever to have taken all of continental Europe, from Moscow to Madrid. I could keep listing French victories till I had a book. In fact, it’s not a bad idea. A nice big hardback, so you could take it to the assholes running all the anti-French-military sites and bash their heads in with it.
|
| From: |
WOW on May 11, 2005 @ 2:25 am |
| Comment: |
wow, you’ve really got a hard.on for somebody or something......I really dont know because I cant find time to read all your diatribe. Please condense it to four paragraphs and maybe I’ll read it. |
| From: |
Je me souviens on May 11, 2005 @ 3:59 pm |
| Comment: |
The above pseudonym - or perhaps more apropos, "nom de plume" - references the provincial slogan - rallying cry - of Quebec: "I remember"; the phrase asserts the inculcated soverignty of Quebec, itself, and its attendant distinctness, if not disparateness, from the rest of Canada, proper. Apropos to the above posts, it also alludes to the overweening French character, and their subsequent - subjugated - diaspora (as a characteristic overcompensation in the face of defeat and, bien sur, for the subsequent loss of face). It fittingly - and tellingly - reminds one of the famous telephone interchange between Charles de Gaulle and Lyndon Johnson, after the French withdrawal from NATO in the early ’60’s; de Gaulle haughtily, and thus characteristically, demanded Johnson to, "Remove every American soldier from French soil!" Johnson, in his inimitably laconic manner, rejoined, "Do you mean the ones in the ground, too?"
|
| From: |
Vive la France! on May 12, 2005 @ 4:44 am |
| Comment: |
Merde, either you’re plagiarizing, or you’re the author of a post I saw many months ago on another website. Don’t lie; I’ve seen that exact "essay" before on another message board. In fact, I had saved it onto my computer for reference. Don’t get me wrong, I support it almost one hundred percent (except that Dominique de Villepin is no longer the foreign minister and contrary to the original poster of that message, I DO support Chirac), but I just find it wrong that you would copy someone else’s work and claim it’s your own. |
| From: |
merde on May 12, 2005 @ 5:28 pm |
| Comment: |
Original post
http://www.exile.ru/2003-October-02/war_nerd.html
Vive la France!, je n’ai pas déclaré en etre l’auteur, mais je ne voulais pas impliquer son auteur, surtout sur ce genre de site......... |
| From: |
Vive la France! on May 13, 2005 @ 4:33 am |
| Comment: |
mdr! Je suis d’accord avec vous, ce site est trop vulgaire et je pense qu’il y a beaucoup de gens ici qui ne sont pas très......fiables. Mais bravo, j’ai oublié que cet essai existe, et c’est parfait pour ce forum.
Mais c’est bizarre que la première fois que j’ai vu cet essai, c’était dans un autre forum, pas dans un site de nouvelles. |
| From: |
j'habitedanslamerde on May 19, 2005 @ 5:19 pm |
| Comment: |
One common misconception is that the French have no military might, and that we (the US) saved them in both World War One and Two. The fact of the matter is that the French were already pushing tired German troops back into Germany when the Americans decided to join in World War One, and as for the 2nd world war, given France’s geographical positon in relation to the most powerful military in the world, it’s a miracle they fought as hard as they did. If Mexico was as powerful as the 3rd reich, we’d be fucked. The French have the third most powerful military in the world. The only difference between the third and the first is the French know well enough when it’s necessary to use theirs. |
| From: |
French Frei on May 24, 2005 @ 10:16 pm |
| Comment: |
I am Senegalese expatriate presently residing in Paris. The indigenous French populace is certainly not indifferent to my visible difference. Indeed, they look upon my dusky visage with palpable contempt. The French republic’s vaunted precepts of egalitarianism, and liberty of personal and intellectual property are, for its visible minorities, illusory and exclusionary. Vivre le difference – yeah, right. |
| From: |
beret rouge on June 1, 2005 @ 11:48 am |
| Comment: |
j’etais demineur a sarajevo avec le genie para francais. j’aimerais avoir vos corps a ma disposition pendant une petite journee. la on rigolerait. |
| From: |
hunni bee on June 1, 2005 @ 12:24 pm |
| Comment: |
what have all thes things got to do with the joke and beret rouge write in ENGLISH noone can understand you and you wrote that in the last one get a life and change your words christ love from jodie see if you can understand i fancy you NOT hahahaaahahahah |
| From: |
ignoramus on June 1, 2005 @ 1:00 pm |
| Comment: |
you’ve not even bothered to learn ebonics properly, silly bee |
| From: |
VINCE on June 14, 2005 @ 9:37 pm |
| Comment: |
EXCELLENT! |
| From: |
yesimafrog...sowhat? on June 15, 2005 @ 3:16 pm |
| Comment: |
what Merde says it true and very enlightening, i being french, didnt even know all that stuff. thanks alot et que les putains de cons qui raconte des conneries sur les francais ailles se faire foutre. |
| From: |
Frogs are pussies on August 3, 2005 @ 3:10 pm |
| Comment: |
nice bullshit history you just made up. One thing you can always count on, the frogs have always been there we they needed us most.
Die
|
| From: |
To Merde on August 23, 2005 @ 10:57 pm |
| Comment: |
What the hell does that have to do with the french, merde. u sat there and talked about brits. love america or leave it bitch. because those of us who do love and cherish it are staying and those of u ingrates who dont can get the hell out. go join the ragheads |
| From: |
Stone Cold on August 25, 2005 @ 6:43 pm |
| Comment: |
Merde. you know your history. I’m more of an American history buff myself, but I totally agree - the American Revolution would have been in deep shit without the French. Also, if France (and Britain) had recognized the Confederacy, the US map might look a lot different. And your comments about WW1 are correct. WW2 however, I see it a little differently. While all of Europe surrendered to the Wehrmacht, and Britain was definitely on the ropes, and probably would have surrendered if Hitler hadn’t launched Barbarossa, it was only the French that actively collaborated (Vichy).
But all of that is in the past. France currently is NOT on our side, despite any protestations to the contrary. A few years back, when we wanted to fly an anti-terrorist mission - I honestly don’t remember which one - who was the only country that denied our planes permission to enter their airspace. Right - France.
And wasn’t there an abortion clinic bomber that France refused extradition to the US? |
| From: |
Proud To Be Canadian on September 29, 2005 @ 3:35 pm |
| Comment: |
hey merde
u make sum great points about frances glorious military history, but ure quite ignorant in failing to mention that frances sudden surrender almost made the world lose WW2. France lasted 6 weeks in world war 2 before half surrendered, and the other half JOINED the 3rd reich in rounding up and exterminating jews. The allies had to withdraw all its troops frium france and destroy almost its entire arsenal because of frances cowardice in WW2. You can talk all u want about france being brave and all, but dont be a hypocrit and fail to mention what makes france known for being cowards. The jews in the warsaw ghetto lasted longer than the french in WW2, and they dint surrender, they were all murdered. Also, world war 1, it was mostly the canadians that fought of the german army. Look up Vimy Ridge, germans, british and french lost 2 million troops combined. |
| From: |
Proud To Be Canadian on September 29, 2005 @ 3:35 pm |
| Comment: |
the canadians took the ridge with 10, 600 casualities, and won it within a day. The canadian army killed 1/4 of the entire german army, the french did almost fuckall in that war. IF they were so high and mighty it wouldnt have taken other countries to save its ass. |
| From: |
proud american on October 24, 2005 @ 3:45 pm |
| Comment: |
hey merde
i will admit france had its moments in history but they have a very mediocre overall military. Dont say i dont know shit cause i do. I know more history than you could ever dream of knowing. first off there is indochina and algeria which france lost. then there is haiti, a tiny island that the french cant reconquer from a band of ragtag slaves so if you want to get you facts straight then read a book. |
| From: |
american roots on October 26, 2005 @ 3:26 pm |
| Comment: |
hi all folks
do you know were all american are coming from ?
FROM E.U and france ! you are all ignorants ! |
| From: |
Off the wall on October 30, 2005 @ 1:42 pm |
| Comment: |
I think this French/France bashing is nonsense and quite frankely pathetic. And I am not
even French,but Norwegian (which has strong ties to the U.S). Sometimes it seems like
these jokes are generic and could be used to slam any other country/people. Some
Americans seem so smug about WW2 ,looks like the real enemy was France and not
Nazi-Germany! So the Nazi´s got to France fast..true! But they got important inside help
from the Vichy ppl. Norway was occupied by the Germans pretty fast as well (considering
our fucked-up geographical situation) and there was a fascist Norwegian collaborator
named Qusling who led Norway. We now that all western countries have had their ups
and downs, WW2 was very bad timing for European countries trying to themselves
´cause they were exhausted after ww1. And finally: The notion of Napoleon being small
is just propaganda.He was 1,68 m tall which is not too bad even for an European today
(I´m 1,70 m ).
|
| From: |
merde on November 3, 2005 @ 4:19 pm |
| Comment: |
proud american............ "I know more history than you could ever dream of knowing"...american modesty I suppose ...I’m sorry, but your knowledge about indochina and algeria would have to be improved.......indochina was the first rebellion of independence in the french empire, that why we tried to keep it in a first time, but the general tendance was the decolonisation, so we had’nt insisted, and you’re well placed to know what the viets were able to. It was’nt necessary to insist, exepted to kill more and more innocents......algeria was the second rebellion, and france tried to keep it because of the high number of european settlers who were living there...but you know now as well as me what can create patriotism add to extremist islam.....so the french army go back to france in order to stop the massacre in the civilian population...but for your american mentality, just know one thing, military speaking, in these two cases, the french army was winning...... |
| From: |
merde on November 3, 2005 @ 4:19 pm |
| Comment: |
’proud american’...about haiti, if you knew history so much, perhaps could you have add in your comment that during this event, it was Napoleon’s time in europe, so this ’tiny island’ wasn’t really the highest priority of France.....and personnaly, I don’t considere a slave rebellion as a ’band of ragtag slaves’....... you are perhaps able to learn history, but like all good american, you can’t learn about it....... |
| From: |
Jacques Brel on November 4, 2005 @ 6:56 pm |
| Comment: |
Douce France, cher pays de mon enfance , bercé de tendre insousiance, ...
The best wine, the best cuisine, the best women, the best litterature, the best museums, the best of everything, J’aime la France du fond du coeur.
gros bisous ! |
|
|
