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RAMBO
Posted by: Dirtyjokesinc Staff on January 5, 2004 @ 9:21 pm
Army Oath of Enlistment - Revised Version
U.S. ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Rambo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn’t score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I saw "Full Metal Jacket" so there is no way in hell I’m joining the Marines, and the Navy won’t take me because I can’t swim.
After completion of my BASIC training, for which I will receive a medal, I will attend a different Army school every other month, again receiving medals and patches for each, and finally return knowing less than I did when I left.
I promise to wear my uniform, with it’s colorful array of medals and patches, 24 hours a day even when I have a date.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished, for this I will receive a medal.
I will continue telling myself that I am a fierce fighting machine because my drill sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I may ever see will be the leftovers from the Marines that secured the area for my arrival. For this I will receive a chest full of colorful medals and ribbons, a massive amount of press from reporters that couldn’t hack going where the Marines go, and six more patches to go with the dozen I already have to remind me that I am a fierce fighting machine.
I understand that my mantra, an Army of one, was merely a recruiting ploy to appeal to the simple minds of those that have watched Rambo so many times that they actually believe it is a historical documentary; I acknowledge the mantra actually means that when the going get’s tough it is every man for himself.
I also acknowledge that, though I want to be a fierce fighting machine, I don’t actually want to get hurt or suffer any discomfort; I mean ’fierce fighting machine’ in a video game sort of way.
I am joining with the understanding that I will be provided three six course catered meals a day but understand that this may be reduced to no less than two while on deployment in a combat zone. Though, at no time will I be forced to go without clean sheets, a portable laundry facility and a supply train as long as the great wall of China that has everything but ammo.
I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can’t pass a placement exam.
Finally, I understand that to complete the minium requirements for an honorable discharge from the Army I must memorize a minimum of two dozen Marine jokes, repeat them over and over, and fervently deny that they are a vain attempt to conceal my envy for the Corps. In addition, I will memorize several phony creeds and vow to maintain the public’s misperception that the Army is both tough and ed’ju’macated.
So help me God. |
Add your own comment
| From: |
davis on July 4, 2004 @ 10:05 pm |
| Comment: |
to true my friend. too true. |
| From: |
M. O. M. on July 17, 2004 @ 12:46 am |
| Comment: |
I like it! |
| From: |
Lcpl Pabon on August 2, 2004 @ 11:34 am |
| Comment: |
Nice. Now the world konws the truth ’bout the army |
| From: |
montysangel on August 15, 2004 @ 12:53 am |
| Comment: |
this joke is intelligent and funny as hell ...good job |
| From: |
LCPL. HARDISON on August 16, 2004 @ 6:27 pm |
| Comment: |
I WANT TO JOIN THE ARMY. BUT IT SOUNDS TO HARD FOR ME... |
| From: |
Lord Blackheim on August 28, 2004 @ 8:39 pm |
| Comment: |
Hahahaha, love the E-8 part, good stuff. |
| From: |
Lord Blackheim on August 28, 2004 @ 8:39 pm |
| Comment: |
Hahahaha, love the E-8 part, good stuff. |
| From: |
zelder on September 9, 2004 @ 1:06 am |
| Comment: |
loved the part about full metal jacket |
| From: |
SF Soldier on September 14, 2004 @ 5:32 pm |
| Comment: |
Ya, the whole thing about the marines securing it.. no. it’s called RANGER. we secure it. And for the "not good enough to hack it the marines..." thats fucking stupid... we’re the ones that boss the marines around.. half of them don’t even know how to load their own M-14s.. Ha |
| From: |
PFC smith on September 24, 2004 @ 5:53 pm |
| Comment: |
Great joke! |
| From: |
someone on September 26, 2004 @ 9:48 am |
| Comment: |
sf soldiers a fucking retard, hell he might be a pissed off army soldier knowing he cant
hack being a marine |
| From: |
SISTER OF A MARINE on September 29, 2004 @ 10:04 am |
| Comment: |
TO: SF SOLDIER ON SEPTEMBER 14, 2004 AS TO YOU "BOSSING THE MARINES AROUND" - I ABSOLUTELY DON’T THINK SO - TRY AGAIN BUDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 |
| From: |
ERICA28 on October 8, 2004 @ 11:42 pm |
| Comment: |
MY HUSBAND IS A MARINE.HES LEAVING FOR IRAQ IN JANUARY.WHY DONT U LOSER FUCKS GO INSTEAD OFHIM? |
| From: |
Lcpl Bowlby on October 14, 2004 @ 8:27 am |
| Comment: |
m-14? |
| From: |
somebody in the army on October 15, 2004 @ 12:17 pm |
| Comment: |
we have a winner folks. M-14, the army, and marines use it as a DM ( designated marksman) rifle dip shit! Now here a concept. EAT MY ASS!!! |
| From: |
A marine option MIDN on October 25, 2004 @ 10:38 pm |
| Comment: |
That was the cold, hard, hilarious truth. |
| From: |
Ammo Tech on October 28, 2004 @ 2:25 pm |
| Comment: |
Ranger? Ha. Explain Somalia to me, Ranger. Explain that little fiasco where you "special forces" freaks had your asses handed to you by a piss-ant wannabe warlord. You Rangers are not part of the special forces pantheon; you are simple light infantry, trained perhaps a midge better than the standard soldier. Go away, Ranger. You don’t impress me in the least, and I highly doubt you’ve impressed any Marine, ever. |
| From: |
marine on October 28, 2004 @ 3:22 pm |
| Comment: |
try bossing me dip-shit. |
| From: |
a marine's wife on November 4, 2004 @ 11:10 pm |
| Comment: |
to sf soldier....stop trying to make urself sound good because everybody knows the truth. U don’t boss anybody around except for maybe the little "specialists" in ur branch. U know and everyone knows that the Marines are always the first to fight. U guys are just the "engineers" remember. u probably haven’t seen combat....u just get to clean up all the dead bodies in the Marine’s wake. U can’t even handle being prison guards. |
| From: |
former Marine on November 10, 2004 @ 4:48 pm |
| Comment: |
Hate to break it to all you active duty Marines and SF Army, but the National Guard and Reserves have you all beat in Iraq. The average USMC or SF Army unit stays in country less than 7 months, while the "Nasty Guard" units average at least 12 months in-country out of an 18-month rotation. I know, b/c I’m a former Marine that just returned from Iraq w/ my Nat’l Guard MP unit. For the entire 12 months on ground, we conducted combat patrols daily; inflicted untold casualties on insurgent forces; suffered a number of wia and kia; and maintained the fighting spirit while watching active duty USMC&Army units come and go. Semper Fi! |
| From: |
Emily on November 26, 2004 @ 11:23 pm |
| Comment: |
I don’t like it I’m an Army girl, but my oldest brother would because he is a nasty Marine. If he weren’t deployed he would probably give a typical marine comment like- Semper Fi and Oohrah |
| From: |
nathan on December 16, 2004 @ 10:38 am |
| Comment: |
thats halarious. |
| From: |
usmc on December 20, 2004 @ 8:26 pm |
| Comment: |
excellent! |
| From: |
usmc on December 20, 2004 @ 8:34 pm |
| Comment: |
excellent! |
| From: |
MARINE on January 16, 2005 @ 1:21 pm |
| Comment: |
THATS RIGHT WE GIVE THE ARMY WHAT WE HAVE LEFT TO DO LOL THATS CLEAN UP.........MARINES ARE IN FACT THE BEST! |
| From: |
Mr Infantry on January 21, 2005 @ 3:02 am |
| Comment: |
There is infantry and POG’s.
It doesnt matter what branch your with... last I checked we are on the same side. |
| From: |
marine in japan on February 7, 2005 @ 3:15 pm |
| Comment: |
I enjoyed the joke. I dont disrespect the Army as a whole, but idividually they are all a bunch of assholes. Better by far to live and die an UNITED STATES MARINE. |
| From: |
duh marine duh on February 17, 2005 @ 11:57 pm |
| Comment: |
ok marines yes you can have all the laughs u want about regular army because yes they are retarded. Marines are more elite. But the Rangers, Green Berets, and Delta Force you have nothing over because you dont go through training even half as intense. And Somalia! Delta Force and Rangers killed over 1000 of those bastards and we lost around 20. What is that like 50 to 1 kill ratio. Thats not too bad to me. Also how is it Rangers fault when 2 blackhawks go down. It could have been less if they didnt uphold their oath of leave no man behind. Would you leave ur men behind marines? you may have braggin rights over regular army but over special forces you have squat, unless of course you are Recon and then you can talk. |
| From: |
usmcsniper on February 21, 2005 @ 1:57 pm |
| Comment: |
um..........when it comes to special forces training.........have any of you "Rangers" heard of Force Recon?
Just a question. |
| From: |
duh marine duh on February 23, 2005 @ 10:05 pm |
| Comment: |
yes i have and if you look at the last line
"unless of course you are Recon and then you can talk."
learn how to read |
| From: |
USMC on February 28, 2005 @ 10:07 am |
| Comment: |
SEMPER FI OOHRAH |
| From: |
ME on March 9, 2005 @ 11:35 pm |
| Comment: |
this is to sf ranger.. first, you are an asshole for even taking this JOKE to heart, and for you to make such a comment then you must be feeling less than or guilty about being an SF RANGER. Dont’ try to bullshit. We are all fighting for the same peace here. And i used to be in the ARMY myself, and now am married to a wonderful Marine that takes his honor, and job very seriously. Come on you all.
|
| From: |
Luke on March 27, 2005 @ 1:20 am |
| Comment: |
Every1 stfu. we all know marines r good. but the fact is. a marine would never stand a chance agains a ranger of sf soldier. and sure as hell not 1st SFOD-Delta. so chill yall |
| From: |
MARINE SGT on March 29, 2005 @ 10:04 pm |
| Comment: |
HAY DUH MARINE DUH, THE MARINES SECURED SOMALIA FIRST THEN WE GAVE IT TO YOU THEN LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. I KNOW WE ARE ALL ON THE SAME TEAM BUT YOU GOT TO REMEMBER THAT MARINES ARE THE 911 FORCE OF THE U.S.A. FOR A REASON. |
| From: |
Jew Dogg on March 31, 2005 @ 2:04 am |
| Comment: |
From: ERICA28 on October 8, 2004 @ 11:42 pm
Comment: MY HUSBAND IS A MARINE.HES LEAVING FOR IRAQ IN JANUARY.WHY DONT U LOSER FUCKS GO INSTEAD OFHIM?
Turn off caps. |
| From: |
fallschirmjager on June 28, 2005 @ 4:57 am |
| Comment: |
Did you know...
the creator/producer/writer, not sure which, of Rambo named the character after his favourite 19th Century author, Arthur Rimbaud, pronounced Rambo.
thought you might like to know. |
| From: |
LCPL Calia USMC on June 28, 2005 @ 9:11 pm |
| Comment: |
God bless America! We all have the right to voice our opinion here. There is just one thing that irks me... Marines are not soldiers, we are Marines- with a capital "M". |
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