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Same But Not Really
Posted by: Jay&Jay on August 16, 2004 @ 5:49 am
51 It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions.
52 Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex, semen, etc.
53 Complain about not getting any mail. When people FINALLY feel sorry for you and send you mail, ignore it and continue complaining.
54 Lie.
55 Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people you don’t know.
56 Play with your penis only if you are in a public place with people you don’t know.
57 If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are doing, DON’T STOP! This is the desired reaction.
58 You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without virginity.
59 You are male, therefore you are superior.
60 Agenda for a boring evening: Get beer. Drink beer. Play with yourself. Have sex. Drink more beer. Pass out.
61 Females do not care what you do to them as long as they get to please you.
62 Don’t ever notice anything.
63 If you’re going out with someone but you love someone else, don’t say anything. Wait until the girl you are going out with falls in love with YOU, and then tell her.
64 Basic fundamental rule of dating: Quantity, not quality.
65 Basic fundamental rule of sex: Quantity IS quality.
66 Lie.
67 If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically you’ve done nothing wrong.
68 Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what do you have to cry about, anyway?
69 If the question begins with "why," the answer is "I don’t know."
70 Women are your napkins. Use them, and throw them away.
71 Remember, Every virgin girl is saving herself for YOU.
72 If you ever find yourself in a position where you have been proven wrong, blame others. Come up with creative and believable excuses why they are at fault- not you.
73 Don’t ever let anyone say "I told you so." If you hear this phrase and it didn’t come out of your mouth, go ballistic.
74 If your woman makes you go shopping with her, drive around until a parking spot right near the door opens up. If this takes hours, so be it. You will have the coveted "door spot" and others will worship your skills.
75 Keep track of how many seconds in your life you have thought about sex. Compare with others.
76 Other peoples’ pain is strictly for your amusement. Laugh long and loud.
77 Lie.
78 General Rule: Different is BAD.
79 If anyone asks you for a favor- a) make a big deal about how hard it is for you to do it, b) remind them of this huge favor you’ve done for them at least every 5 minutes for the rest of their life.
80 Each penny you save will be worth at least a dollar in the long run.
81 If you do something really mean to a girl, and she doesn’t want to talk to you, pretend nothing happened. If she still doesn’t talk to you, casually ask, "is something wrong?"
82 Three words: Let’s be friends. Translation: I never want to speak to you again, but it’s bad for my nice-guy image if you are mad at me, so I’ll pretend I want to be your friend.
83 Lie.
84 If you’re on a date, and there is a lull in the conversation, tell the girl how many different dorms you’ve been laid in.
85 When you tell a girl about your past, it’s good to say, "God, I was such a pimp back then."
86 Here’s a good trick. Tell a girl that you’re going to leave and when you come back, you want her naked, sprawled on the bed. Leave, and go into her dad’s room and tell him he should go check on his daughter. Then drive like hell. (true story.)
87 If a girl breaks up with you because you’re in love with someone else, she has no right to be upset. Because, you know, SHE’s the one who wanted to end the relationship.
88 The best sex position is you, lying face up... and twenty girls on top.
89 Practice your blank stare.
90 Spend your spare time thinking of excuses and shove them up your ass. Then, whenever you need one, you can pull it out of your ass.
91 If you ever forced to show emotion, just pick random emotions like rage and lust and insanity and display them at random, inconvenient times. You won’t be asked to do it again.
92 If you are asked to do something you REALLY DON’T want to do, first try your manly best to get out of it. If that doesn’t work, go ahead and do what you were asked to do, but complain that you don’t know how to do it and continuously ask questions on how to do each little part. If no one rushes in to do it for you YET, finish the job in the most half-assed way you possibly can and then say, "SEE?? I TOLD you I couldn’t do it." Eventually, people will stop asking you to do things.
93 Work out day and night to make your body even more beautiful than it already is. When people ask if you’ve been working out, say things like, "No, Baby, I was BORN like this!"
94 Do not listen to "pussy music" such as Erasure, Color Me Badd, or Oldies.
95 Beer. Then more beer.
96 Scratch your balls. See if you can embarrass people.
97 One word: FOOTBALL!
98 Real men beat up others who are inferior. I mean, we don’t want the inferior of the species to get to reproduce ever, do we???
99 Diss your girl friends for an occasional night or 5 out with "The Gang".
100 LIE. |
Add your own comment
| From: |
MarK on August 24, 2004 @ 5:27 am |
| Comment: |
This is some funny shit, make some more. |
| From: |
samsta on October 20, 2004 @ 10:17 pm |
| Comment: |
what do you call your self when you can come up with a good joke?jay&jay |
| From: |
Jay&Jay on October 25, 2004 @ 10:08 pm |
| Comment: |
Thanx |
| From: |
Jay&Jay on November 4, 2004 @ 12:36 am |
| Comment: |
Hahaha.....No |
| From: |
alonso on December 19, 2004 @ 8:57 am |
| Comment: |
this jokes r shit
|
| From: |
alonso on December 19, 2004 @ 8:57 am |
| Comment: |
this jokes r shit
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